Smile for the birdie!

Last month when I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon, Liberty Hoberman, she asked me if I had heard of the American Cancer Society's fundraiser, Relay for Life. She told me that she was putting together a team from the office, and was asking a few of her patients if they would be willing to be professionally photographed as inspiration to other cancer fighters and survivors. She went on to tell me that she loved my smile and twinkling eyes, and wondered if I would like to be one of those patients! I said yes, of course!

So, yesterday we gathered together at DeVries studio, after meeting first at Alpen Rose for lunch and introductions. There were seven of us in all, including Liberty, and we all dressed in black. Two of us wore hats (I was one of those), one wore her wig and the other three showed off their new hair. We were photographed individually and then as a whole group, with Liberty in the center. It was a powerful experience to be among other strong, positive women who have come through cancer and chemo on the winning side. We laughed and talked and compared experiences, and found that we had a lot in common, of course. They were a gentle and kind group of women, and I felt proud to have been asked to be a part of them.

We were able to see the photo results immediately and we all chose our favorite shots of ourselves. They all were beautiful, and dramatic with our being dressed in black. I think we were all pleasantly surprised! Liberty plans on having the photos of each of us blown up and set on easels by their booth at Relay for Life. We were each asked to write down a word that sums up our experiences, and those words will be placed under our photos. So if you're participating in the Relay, which is June 4 & 5, be sure and look for my smiling face on one of the easels!

Eureka!

Last week when I had my "nasty" chemo, I decided to do an experiment. A few days earlier I had been in to see the nurse about my fingernail that is falling off (ick) and, in the process of conversation, she told me about a study she had just read having to do with taxotere (one of my nasty chemos) and resulting burns on hands. The study found that if you iced your hands for the entire time you were given the taxotere, it greatly reduced the probability of burning because the cold constricts the blood vessels, making it harder for the taxotere to spread there. I was all ears! So, on Tuesday, I dutifully took my insulated lunch bag with me to fill with ice, and a pair of "surgical" gloves to protect my hands from getting wet and chapped.

When it was time for the taxotere, I went to the ice machine and filled my lunch bag with ice, put on my gloves and settled down for an hour of iced hands. About ten minutes went by and suddenly I felt cold water trickling in my lap...my lunch bag leaked! Oh, no! My experiment was doomed from the start! I tried putting a towel under my bag, but it was not to be...I was still getting quite wet. So Rich dumped the ice for me while I mourned the failure of my experiment. But then my eyes fell upon the large container of pop I had sitting on my table...full of lovely ice. Why don't I just hold onto that for an hour? And that's just what I did! It was easy to hold on to and I was able to move my hands around and get them all nice and cold for the time it took to finish the taxotere. And guess what? It worked! I noticed a couple of small red splotches on my hands yesterday that would have turned into large burns without the icing, but these are hardly visible, and don't hurt at all!

Good news...I have a brain!

It's been an interesting few weeks for me. I have a history of having migraine headaches, preceded by an aura which can start as a "star" in my vision or a "half moon", both of which are glowing and then spread and eclipse my vision for about half an hour. In the past, the aura would be followed by a killer of a headache (the migraine), but lately I've just been having the auras without the pain. ALOT of them. Yesterday I had two, back to back, within a half hour. When I told my doctor about these, she told me that she wanted me to have these checked out immediately, to rule out any cancer that might be going on in my head. We really didn't think anything was wrong other than my hormones going crazy from the chemo because of my previous history of having migraine auras, but she is very pro-active and wanted to be absolutely sure. So she scheduled a CAT scan for me. The whole process took about 15 minutes. I checked in at the hospital, the tech found a good vein in my arm and hooked me up, injected me with the radioactive dye, slid me in the "tunnel" and took a couple of pictures of my head. That was it! Rich hardly even had a chance to turn the page of his magazine before I was back out and ready to go home. And the good news is that, contrary to popular opinion, I HAVE A BRAIN! It may be just a little pea brain, but it's there and is HEALTHY! No cancer! So, yippee! This is just one more weird side effect I'll have to put up with, I guess, but at least I finally know there's something inside my head!

My shoeboxes

The night before my surgery last November, Rich gave me a beautifully wrapped gift. When I opened it, there were a pair of red patent leather Kate Spade shoes inside the box, just my size! I was overwhelmed by his thoughfulness...and sneakiness, for he had asked a friend of ours to shop for them while in Chicago on her own shoe shopping venture. I saved the box and soon used it to hold all of the cards I was receiving daily from so many of you dear friends. But soon the box was overflowing with cards and I needed another box to hold them all. I had just the one! I had recently purchased a pair of hot pink Nike "warrior" shoes and the box was much larger, so I transferred all of the cards into this box instead. But now I am finding that I need to use BOTH boxes, as this box is now overflowing with cards, also! I don't think a day has gone by without my receiving at least one card in the mail. Your love and support by way of cards and notes has been phenomenal. To you it may be just a card to let me know you're thinking of me, but to me it's a connection to you...a way of knowing I'm not forgotten or alone on my journey. Thank you for continuing to be here for me.

Manicures and crocodile tears

One of my latest side effects of chemo is sensitive finger nails. I've been told to keep them cut short so that they don't catch on anything, because there's a possibility that they could come off. Eeuw! So today I decided to play manicurist to myself (I can't have them professionally done because of the chance of infection) and sat down to take off the old polish. That was when my second latest side effect kicked in again....excessively watering eyes, mostly the right eye! I could hardly see anything through the giant tears that kept welling up! I managed to get the polish off without too much trouble seeing ( I THINK I got it all off!) but when it came time to put the new polish on, that was another matter altogether! Try imagining your eyes full of tears and then trying to see something closely...it's all a blurr, isn't it? Well, that's pretty much my new world now, with my watery eyes. I even have trouble reading because they tear up so much that all becomes a blurr. There's nothing to be done for it, unfortunately. Another friend of mine had the same side effect and it eventually went away, so I'll just hang in there. Please don't be critical of my manicure, though...it's the best I could do under the circumstances. And please don't think I'm crying all the time...it's just the latest chapter of my marvelous adventure!

Look good, feel better

Last week I was able to take part in a Look Good/Feel Better session that the American Cancer Society hosts for cancer patients undergoing chemo treatment. They offer these sessions once a month, free of charge, and all you have to do is show up at the appointed time. It's a WONDERFUL thing to be offered! There were only three of us who showed up, but we were all able to feel at ease with eachother immediately and compare experiences. We were all a little different with our surgeries and chemos, but the underlying emotion we all shared was that we wanted to LOOK and FEEL normal in the un-normal world we are currently a part of.

We all sat at a large table together, each with a makeup mirror, and then were all given a large lunch-sized bag, that was sealed closed, for only us to open. And when we opened them, it was like CHRISTMAS! Various makeup artists had enclosed their own special products in our bags...artists such as Bobbi Brown, Aveda, Clinique, Avon, Marykay...the list goes on! We had eye liners and eybrow pencils, lip glosses and lip liners, blushes and concealers and foundations, bronzers and eyeshadows, lotions and creams! It was unbelievable what we found inside our own personal bag! And it was all ours to learn to use and keep!

We were guided by a gentle and kind woman, who herself is a cancer survivor. She used to be a beautician, but now enjoys volunteering for the ACS and in other ways. She helped us sort through our goodies and showed us how to "grow" eyebrows again with the use of a pencil. She showed us how to put glows back on our faces, and smiles on our lips. All the while doing this, we were reassuring ourselves, and eachother, that we could still be US in another form. And we could totally BE OURSELVES with eachother, as we were all on the same journey. Off came the wigs and hats, and on came the sharing of ideas and questions...where to shop for wigs and hats, how to wear bras after mastectomies, what kinds of side effects did we have. We talked without embarrassment or feeling like we were different. We felt almost normal, in our own differences. It was very freeing for all of us to just talk openly and be GIRLS again, as we all put on our new makeup. Thank you, ACS, for letting us look good and feel better!

Ketchup and Chocolate Chip Cookies

My tastebuds are starting to play funny tricks on me. Things that used to taste wonderful to me, now either have no taste at all, or have no appeal to me anymore. Rich and I went out for hamburgers the other night and I put ketchup on my fries and on my burger...and ended up scraping it all off immediately! I couldn't tolerate the taste anymore...it was awful! Just the thought of ketchup suddenly made me want to gag! I had to quickly call Anne to tell her, because neither she or her boyfriend, Kellen, like ketchup in any way, shape or form and I knew she would be thrilled to add me to their club! She laughed when I told her, but then asked me not to bake or eat any chocolate chip cookies for fear that the same thing would happen to those, and she thinks I make the best cookies in the world!

I had been told earlier by another chemo survivor that if there's anything I wish I DIDN"T like to eat so much, that I should eat it during chemo because I would probably grow to dislike it and never eat it again. I can see the truth to that theory, already. I no longer have cravings for any of the Super Bowl foods I couldn't get enough of. Cookies and cake and anything sweet has no appeal anymore. Nothing really calls to me when it comes to meal time. Weird things are popping up in my diet trials now, like Spaghettios did today. For some reason, that old stand-by for when my kids were little had some appeal to me, so I ate a few bites along with some crackers and peanut butter. Not bad. I didn't eat much of it (I didn't want to jinx a good thing) but I figured I at least got some carbs and protein in my tummy. Last night a friend brought dinner over and some freshly cut fruit. I couldn't get enough of the fruit! It was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted! Thank goodness for all you kind souls who are bringing dinners to us during these nasty chemo days, or who knows what we would be eating. Not much, that's for sure. Thank you again, from the bottom of our hearts (and tummies!).