It’s been a few months since I posted “Making lemonade” and I’ve had a few more hairs add themselves to my head during this time. Imagine my surprise! I had the opportunity to visit sunny Florida earlier this year and that’s when I first noticed the sprouting begin. Granted, there’s still not a lot of hair, but I finally have some definition to my head…sort of like a peach does. I now have lots of baby fine fuzz all over my head, sprinkled with grey and brown.
I also am seeing some itty bitty eyelashes appearing, and a few light colored eyebrows sprinkled along my brow line, but nothing you can really notice. What you’re really seeing is the eyeliner around my eyes, not the lashes, and my eyebrows have been carefully applied with a brush and powder.
I am wearing my wig less and less, now that it’s warm outside. Except for times when I want to dress up a little more, I prefer wearing hats, or just going bare-headed. I’m still a little self-conscious when I first go somewhere in public bare-headed, but I’m probably more aware of my baldness than anyone else. I don’t know who I think I’m fooling, though, with my hats…it’s obvious that there’s no hair underneath them. But I guess that they’re a security blanket, of sorts…they add some definition to my head. What’s funny is that I am so used to seeing myself in the mirror bald or with a hat on, that when I do opt to wear my wig, it’s like greeting an old friend again. I find myself thinking, “oh, there you are…nice to see you again.”
The cutest thing happened to me the other day while at the beach spending the afternoon with friends and our families. After about two hours into our time together, their three year old grandson suddenly stopped playing with his truck, looked straight at me and said, “you don’t have hair”, to which I answered that he was right…that I used to have hair, but I had to take some medicine and it made my hair fall out. He simply said, “oh…my mommy has hair,” and then went back to playing. If only life was as simple as that of a three year old!
Do I miss my real hair? You bet. I still find myself admiring haircuts and colors, and thinking to myself that if I had hair I would be a redhead again, and have feather extensions put in. Does it make me feel bad when people talk about their own hair when with me? Not at all; I don’t give it a second thought. You see, in my own mind I still think of myself as having hair, so I totally empathize with anyone who is talking about their hair. There’s no need to tiptoe around the subject or apologize when it happens.
What really matters, is that I am healthy again and feeling great. My doctors tell me that I am cancer free and only want to see me every 3-6 months for the first two years after surgery and chemo, just to check in with me. There will be no more blood tests or mammograms, which is a little scary, but I have been told that this is the new protocol and that I can come in to see them at any time if I have concerns.
I feel like I have been given a new lease on life and am making up for lost time. I am physically able to do everything that I did before cancer and chemo, with almost the same energy level. I am walking the full three miles again with my walking buddies, as well as playing tennis and golf, and rejoice at being tired for a physical reason.
What has really surprised me about my “adventure” has been the number of people who have told me that I have been an inspiration to them. I never gave it a second thought…this is life; you just learn to roll with it. I know that I had it pretty easy as far as having an early diagnosis and being able to tolerate the chemo. But I’ve always been one who “puts on a happy face” rather than dwelling in “poor, pitiful me” thoughts. Negative thoughts never do anything but generate negative energy, which is counter-productive, especially when you have a battle to win.
The best thing that this view of life has enabled me to do is to reach out to others who have a breast cancer diagnosis and offer them my support, as well as my own experiences. I don’t claim to have all the answers, nor do I see myself as some sort of cancer guru. I am, simply, me. Do I get tired of dealing with cancer all the time? Yes, but the reason is because it grieves me to see so many women being diagnosed, at all ages, every day. On the flip side, though, it is a constant reminder of how fortunate I am to be a SURVIVOR! And so I see this as my opportunity to pay it forward.
What has allowed me to persevere through my own “marvelous adventure” has been my acceptance of what was put before me, a steady belief in my doctors and surgeons, a strong faith, the love of my family and friends, and a positive attitude. A friend sent me a wonderful little anecdote by an unknown author entitled, “I Intend to Have a Great Day,” that really sums up what I believe to be true in life. The last part of it goes like this:
Attitude is everything.
Have a great day!
Be kinder than necessary,
For everyone you meet is fighting
Some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly…
Leave the rest to God.
