Ponderings

Yesterday I almost had to remind myself to go to chemo! Now that my nasty chemo is over, it's as if I've shut the door on that chapter of my life, but in fact I have to remember that I still have a ways to go on my journey, even though it's easier. But I've been misleading myself in my calling this chemo my "easy" one...it's easy because of it's lack of visible, day to day side effects. But the fact of the matter is, it's a dangerous chemo that can cause heart failure, and so it is monitored every three-four months by having a MUGA scan (MUltiple Gated Acquisition Stand) which produces a moving image of the heart, from which the health of the heart's major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed. This is done by putting a radioactive dye in my veins and then placing me under a special "gamma" camera, which takes movies of my moving heart. I had my first MUGA scan before I started chemo in January, and I am scheduled to have my second scan on Monday. I'm not anticipating any problems, it just brings me back down to earth a little.

As I continue to celebrate each day's progress, knowing that it will only get better from here on, I can't help but be reminded of how, "there, but for the grace of God, go I". I am so thankful for how early my cancer was found, how treatable it was and how tolerable the treatment has been. Anytime I thought I might be feeling too sorry for myself, I would just remember how blessed I have been with tremendous doctors and care, and by all the wonderful love and support I continue to receive from so many loving people. I have two friends who are currently facing a cancer crisis of their own...one newly diagnosed, and the other fighting to get through her stem cell transplant. I admire them the courage they are showing as they face their own adversaries, ready to meet them head on. We may initially shake in our boots with fear, but it's that fear that motivates us to move forward,conquer and, as best we can...to be warriors.