Why is Albert Einstein in my mirror?

Something seems to be working...my hair is finally growing! And what's really strange is that as the hair on my head increases in growth, the hair on my legs has slowed to almost a stop! What a great trade-off! It's quite silver in color, with dark hairs sprinkled here and there. It's not thick by any means, but it's definately there...sticking out in every direction! I can't tell if it wants to be curly or just fuzzy for now. I guess that time will tell.

I have learned alot about myself through this hair loss part of chemo. I laugh at myself now as I remember the care I took in not exposing my baldness in public. I was embarrassed and felt totally exposed. Now I walk freely around the neighborhood without a hat on or, if wearing a hat, whip it off without a second thought when feeling overheated, no matter where I am. I am comfortable with my baldness or, should I say, I am accustomed to my baldness now. It certainly has its advantages.

I recently figured out the real reason that I don't like wearing my wigs anymore. It's for the same reason that Rich has never really liked me in my wigs...they're not ME. They're me pretending to be someone else. They were fun when I first lost my hair...a way to have the hair style that I have always wished I had. But now that I've been bald for ten months, I am ready to become ME again, and these wigs just aren't making me feel that way.

Rich suggested that I get another wig...this time a short wig that would look like my hair as it should be looking by now. Feeling that was too frivolous a thing to do, I refused his offer at first and tried wearing the shorter of my two wigs now that it's getting cold out again. But that's when it hit me...I was tired of pretending in this wig and wanted to look like ME again. So I went to the wig shop, and the first wig that I tried on was a "eureka" moment...it was ME reflected in the mirror! I cannot describe how wonderful that made me feel! It was like reuniting with a long, lost friend again. I bought it immediately and wore it home, feeling on top of the world. It's short, it's sassy, and it's ME!

I plan on cleaning my other wigs and donating them to the oncology center. They're beautiful, and served their purpose initially. But if I was to do it over again, I would buy something closer to who I already was before chemo...not something to pretend in. Because you really do lose your identity with cancer and chemo...you become cancer and chemo for a while. And you need to be able to get back to being YOU at a certain point in time, even if it is through the help of a wig.

I'm so glad to look like ME again!