That's what Rich said to me this morning when I put on my wig to wear out for the first time! Believe me, I felt the same way when I saw myself in the mirror. I decided that wearing my wig to church today would be a "gentle" debut for me. Even though I love how my wig looks on me, I was quite nervous to actually be presenting myself to the world at large. On the way to church I kept checking it in the mirror (my bangs need to be cut...they hang in my eyes) and patting it down, making sure it was secure. Rich had reminded me this morning of the time a girl he briefly dated in college wore a wig to a TGIF dance, and when she drunkenly fell down in the middle of the dance floor, her wig popped off her head! HE was mortified, SHE was too drunk to know, I was secretly pleased! So he had teasingly told me to make sure my wig didn't fall off. Thanks alot!
My debut went off beautifully, though. Those who knew me already loved it and said I looked like I was 35 (not 12!). And those that didn't know me before being a redhead thought it was the most natural looking wig they had ever seen. One gal just plain complimented me on my hair, not knowing me at all! It was a good feeling. Tomorrow morning I go the the wig shop to have my wigs trimmed and fitted to my head. Now that I don't have any hair, they fit looser and need to be taken in, however that works!
I've had people comment on how upbeat and perky I am. Well, that's the only way I know to face what life puts before you. If anyone is having a hard time with all of this, it's Rich. He is the best supporter I could ever ask for, and is always positive and upbeat with me. But he also seems to be working overtime in the worry department and keeps wondering why he's so tired all of the time, calling himself a wienie! But he's no wienie...it's because he is doing the worrying for both of us!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
There's a bald woman in my mirror!
It's done! My hair has been shaved off by Rich the barber (I hope he keeps his bank job, though)! We did it first thing this morning so that I could shower afterwards and wash the remains off of my body. I didn't want to repeat yesterday's shower experience... gobs of hair came out when I washed it, dried it and attempted to put goop in it. The floor and countertop were covered with hair! If I had known where the clippers were, I would have shaved it off myself! So I actually feel wonderful about the whole thing. I feel FREE (the song "I'm Free" by The Who is cycling in my brain!) and relieved that it's behind me. It's one more thing that I have met head on and conquered!
I don't really recognize myself in the mirror yet. I look vaguely familiar, but...what happened to the redhead? I actually have a fine stubble left on my head...and it's mostly gray again! I've been wearing a hat today, but find that my head does get a bit warm with it on. But I'm not ready to go bare yet! When Rich and I did some errands this morning, I saw an acquaintance at the store and she didn't recognize me at first. I'm sure I will get that alot, especially once I wear my wigs. I do feel like I'm wearing a big "C" on my forehead, now that I no longer have my own hair. I guess I was able to pretend that all was normal, while I still looked the same.
But you know what? I'm going to have fun with my new wigs and hats! I'm still me underneath it all, and I'm a breast cancer warrior (I've got new Nike hot-pink tennis shoes to prove it)! This is the last of the "unknowns", and I have come through as the victor!
Oh...in case you were wondering about my having wine in the morning. I decided that a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies would be even better! Yum, yum!
I don't really recognize myself in the mirror yet. I look vaguely familiar, but...what happened to the redhead? I actually have a fine stubble left on my head...and it's mostly gray again! I've been wearing a hat today, but find that my head does get a bit warm with it on. But I'm not ready to go bare yet! When Rich and I did some errands this morning, I saw an acquaintance at the store and she didn't recognize me at first. I'm sure I will get that alot, especially once I wear my wigs. I do feel like I'm wearing a big "C" on my forehead, now that I no longer have my own hair. I guess I was able to pretend that all was normal, while I still looked the same.
But you know what? I'm going to have fun with my new wigs and hats! I'm still me underneath it all, and I'm a breast cancer warrior (I've got new Nike hot-pink tennis shoes to prove it)! This is the last of the "unknowns", and I have come through as the victor!
Oh...in case you were wondering about my having wine in the morning. I decided that a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies would be even better! Yum, yum!
No comb-overs for me!
A good friend of mine posed the question, "why is it that we women put so much value on our hair...as if cancer isn't tough enough?" She then went on to say that shaving my head gave ME control of when I would lose my hair. I like that.
My hair continues to get thinner and thinner as it sheds more easily with each day. I was so afraid it was going to all blow off my head yesterday when I was out and about...the wind was so strong! So I think that tomorrow will be THE DAY! But do I have to wait until 5:00 to be able to drink my wine when we do it? Or does 12:00 noon work, since it's the weekend?
My hair continues to get thinner and thinner as it sheds more easily with each day. I was so afraid it was going to all blow off my head yesterday when I was out and about...the wind was so strong! So I think that tomorrow will be THE DAY! But do I have to wait until 5:00 to be able to drink my wine when we do it? Or does 12:00 noon work, since it's the weekend?
I feel like Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree!
Well, it's starting to happen....my hair is beginning to shed. Yesterday, after blow drying my hair, I noticed quite a few hairs on the counter and in the sink. And when I took off my sweater at night, there were quite a few hairs scattered on it, also. If I lightly pull at my hair, 3-4 hairs come loose in my hand. It doesn't hurt, though...they come out freely, and silently. It's just weird, and I'm being extra careful when I style or touch my hair, take hats off...I'm so afraid of a big clump coming out. As soon as I woke up this morning, I immediately felt my head to see if my hair was still there, and it was! I checked my pillow, too, but I didn't seem to have left anything behind.
Now that it's happening, I'm a little creeped out by it....more out of fear of suddenly having a bald patch appear when I'm out and about, and not being able to hide it. And I guess I'm also a little afraid of seeing myself in the mirror, without any hair. Will I have a nicely shaped head? Will I look like an alien? An OLD alien?! Thank goodness I have my wigs to look forward to, as they will help me feel more normal...and younger! A friend of mine said that I looked like I was twelve years old, when I tried them on for her!
Rich may have to sharpen his barber tools this weekend and give me a buzz cut! And I may have to have a large glass of wine when that happens!
Now that it's happening, I'm a little creeped out by it....more out of fear of suddenly having a bald patch appear when I'm out and about, and not being able to hide it. And I guess I'm also a little afraid of seeing myself in the mirror, without any hair. Will I have a nicely shaped head? Will I look like an alien? An OLD alien?! Thank goodness I have my wigs to look forward to, as they will help me feel more normal...and younger! A friend of mine said that I looked like I was twelve years old, when I tried them on for her!
Rich may have to sharpen his barber tools this weekend and give me a buzz cut! And I may have to have a large glass of wine when that happens!
Just call me Spot!
I seem to be having an allergic reaction to one of my chemos, in that my face (and ear) is patchy with a red rash and pimples, and it itches! I feel like a teenager with rosacea and zits! When I looked in my cupboard last night for some sort of cortizone cream to put on it, I discovered that all three boxes that I found (we like to stock up) had different expiration dates... 1999, 2000 and 2005! Probably not too effective anymore, but I decided that the 2005 wasn't too far off so annointed my face and ear with it. It must have had just enough ooomph still left in it, because my face isn't nearly as red and itchy as it was yesterday. You'll be happy to know that I stopped at Walgreens this morning and bought some new cortizone creams that don't expire until 2011, so I should be good to go now! I also bought some new Benadryl, as that had expired, also, but at least it had a 2009 date! I found that it helped with my itching, with the additional perk of giving me a good night's sleep!
Hey, who shaved my legs during the night?
Well, things are starting to happen...my legs are silky smooth this morning, and I didn't have to use a razor! This is nice! My arms are starting to get hairless, also, but so far no head hair loss. It just continues to feel funny...kind of like when you've parted it the wrong way and then try to make it go back. It used to sound horrifying to me, to lose my hair, but I'm actually rather curious about the whole process now. It's nice knowing I have a couple of really cute wigs and plenty of hats to choose from. I've always loved wearing hats...my college friends will remember my goofy flower hat I wore to TGIF's...well, you'll be glad to know I have a couple of new, but much more stylish, hats with flowers to wear!
Otherwise, I'm feeling great! I'm over the hump now and am improving each day. The metallic taste in my mouth isn't as predominant as it was at first, but I am very sensitive to heat so have to be really careful. I about burned my tongue off the other day when I had a complimentary cup of tea at a downtown store...YOUCH! Mango smoothies are my new "milkshake" of choice, as the taste of the mango doesn't seem to be affected by my compromised tastebuds. I'll be staying away from hot drinks for awhile.
Otherwise, I'm feeling great! I'm over the hump now and am improving each day. The metallic taste in my mouth isn't as predominant as it was at first, but I am very sensitive to heat so have to be really careful. I about burned my tongue off the other day when I had a complimentary cup of tea at a downtown store...YOUCH! Mango smoothies are my new "milkshake" of choice, as the taste of the mango doesn't seem to be affected by my compromised tastebuds. I'll be staying away from hot drinks for awhile.
The honeymoon is over!
Well, I guess the honeymoon is over!
Sunday and monday weren't the greatest days for me...not horrible, just icky, achy and crampy. Part of it due to withdrawal from my meds, and part of it due to my body realizing there is definately some toxic stuff swimming around inside me. I definately don't like the mind game it all plays on me...I want to be in control of my body, not the body in control of me!
Anyhoo, I feel good today and go for my second infusion this afternoon at 2:00. This one should only take an hour, and not be too bad. Rich is working from home and will take me. Anne is also coming over today to see me, and will go along, also. I know the nurse in her is very curious to see just what is all involved!
Sunday and monday weren't the greatest days for me...not horrible, just icky, achy and crampy. Part of it due to withdrawal from my meds, and part of it due to my body realizing there is definately some toxic stuff swimming around inside me. I definately don't like the mind game it all plays on me...I want to be in control of my body, not the body in control of me!
Anyhoo, I feel good today and go for my second infusion this afternoon at 2:00. This one should only take an hour, and not be too bad. Rich is working from home and will take me. Anne is also coming over today to see me, and will go along, also. I know the nurse in her is very curious to see just what is all involved!
Chemo today
Today my chemo adventure began, and driving to the oncology center I was full of questions and nervous anticipation. How was I going to feel being there with all the other chemo patients…how was I going to react to the drugs…was I going to feel anything right away? Surprisingly, I didn’t feel any differently after I was finished. It was almost anticlimactic.
The center has about 9 private rooms, each with either a bed or reclining chair, as well as a regular chair for your “guest”. There’s a lamp on the counter if you want softer light, and a television on the wall. There also is a large, open room by the nurse’s station that has 9 or 10 reclining chairs, as well as regular chairs but, fortunately, I was able to have a private room, which is especially nice when you’re going to be there for several hours.
After settling into my recliner, covered with a nicely warmed blanket and my iPod in my ears, I was given five separate drip bags with Benadryl first, to counteract any allergic reactions I might have. Then came Herceptin (chemo), then anti-nausea, then Taxotere (chemo), and finally Carboplatin (chemo). They all "plugged" into my port which was surgically placed in my upper left chest when I had my mastectomy, and that was great...I didn't feel a thing! They even drew blood from it...no more poking my veins! It all took about 5 1/2 hours and I basically napped, read magazines, napped, did my soduko and crossword puzzles, napped and went to the bathroom alot! Rich was able to walk next door to get us lunch and then we came home when it was all over. We both were exhausted, but pleased that it all went so smoothly.
I’ll go back tomorrow for a shot (Neulasta) which will encourage my bone marrow to produce more white platelets to fight infection, and that is what will probably make me feel achy all over. I'm anticipating being very tired tomorrow, and feeling yucky for the next couple of days, but maybe I'll be surprised. I will be drinking all the water recommended and take my medicines and hope that helps.
Meanwhile, I'll be snuggling with Pearl and watching lots of movies for the next few days!
The center has about 9 private rooms, each with either a bed or reclining chair, as well as a regular chair for your “guest”. There’s a lamp on the counter if you want softer light, and a television on the wall. There also is a large, open room by the nurse’s station that has 9 or 10 reclining chairs, as well as regular chairs but, fortunately, I was able to have a private room, which is especially nice when you’re going to be there for several hours.
After settling into my recliner, covered with a nicely warmed blanket and my iPod in my ears, I was given five separate drip bags with Benadryl first, to counteract any allergic reactions I might have. Then came Herceptin (chemo), then anti-nausea, then Taxotere (chemo), and finally Carboplatin (chemo). They all "plugged" into my port which was surgically placed in my upper left chest when I had my mastectomy, and that was great...I didn't feel a thing! They even drew blood from it...no more poking my veins! It all took about 5 1/2 hours and I basically napped, read magazines, napped, did my soduko and crossword puzzles, napped and went to the bathroom alot! Rich was able to walk next door to get us lunch and then we came home when it was all over. We both were exhausted, but pleased that it all went so smoothly.
I’ll go back tomorrow for a shot (Neulasta) which will encourage my bone marrow to produce more white platelets to fight infection, and that is what will probably make me feel achy all over. I'm anticipating being very tired tomorrow, and feeling yucky for the next couple of days, but maybe I'll be surprised. I will be drinking all the water recommended and take my medicines and hope that helps.
Meanwhile, I'll be snuggling with Pearl and watching lots of movies for the next few days!
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